"The Amazing Race..."

So, Tiff and I went on a cruise.

See that cruise ship in the background....Getting kind of hard to see..... Not good.... Not good at all.....

See those exhausted tourists trying to catch their collective breaths? Think of them as playing "The Amazing Race- St. Maarten Edition.".... and losing...... Want a small recap of why those exhausted tourists aren't ON that boat?

• They just spent the last three hours trying to get 5 miles in distance to the Celebrity Summit Cruise ship. They (we) could have run the distance by foot in 1 hour. (we found out later that we were stuck at a draw bridge that had to open for rich people on big yachts. Like this one named Tatoosh we saw. Curse you Paul Allen and all of your Microsoft products.
• They borrowed three cell phones from innocent local bystanders in an attempt to call the cruise ships "emergency number" to no avail. (Hard to do without knowing French or Dutch.... We needed your Dutch language skills Todd K. or Gerald's French. For the record I do know Charade and a little bit of Pantomime. That did the trick). What kind of emergency number goes to voicemail anyway?
• They sped down a one-way street through a shopping district only to have the car in front of them stop and the driver get out....apparently they use park benches to block off their garages. Then when they get back, they stop on a one way road, hop out, move the bench, and then pull on in while everyone else just sits there and waits. As a side note, people who live in St Maarten have a very unique way of flipping the bird.
• They drove through a flash flood (our rental car employee wondered why there was water in the door handle of our Toyota Tercel).
• They broke through a security checkpoint. Yes that is a real gun.... Probably shouldn't have done that.....even if we were late....
• They dashed a quarter of a mile only to see their boat sail away.... It was 10 feet away from the port when they arrived.
• They were declared "not drunk" when the Port Host asked via walkie-talkie for permission to take the pilot boat out to meet the ship. According to the Port Host, 95% of the people who are late for the boat are drunk at a bar and therefore unable to comprehend time. It is actually in the travel agents contract that when a cruise ship tourist is lost that he, check with the police, call the hospital, and then personally check 9 of the local bars and strip clubs before he is aloud to give up and go home. In the end, the captain was not impressed that we were sober. Of course, the fact that we were sober may not have helped our cause with this captain. This only left the excuse of "stupid" for the reason we were late. When asked for the second time if we could be brought out in the pilot boat, he replied, "negative, we are leaving"......

But most importantly....

• They will be paying for their own hotels and flights to catch up with their boat in Antigua. Kind of an expensive "Amazing Race" excursion.... (and CBS will not be paying the bill for our version of The Amazing Race.)

In memory of our favorite captain. Everyone, meet, Captain Kostas. On the bridge of HIS ship. Do you think he knows we were the ones that didn't make it on the ship?

(FYI, Tiff planned on giving our Captain a piece of her mind regarding the "emergency" number going to voicemail. We are proud to say that she managed to control herself. That is a rare thing indeed).

As for the more positive parts of our cruise, stay tuned. More to come.....