So, I mentioned in my last blog entry that I would be creating a new world with all of my personal specifications. I have had some individuals that have expressed interest in joining my new world. They have also made some very appropriate recommendations. I figure I had better get all of this written down so that when I become "all mighty," "all powerful," "all intelligent," and "all beautiful" I will have my plan, engineering, etc all ready to go. So here goes...
Tiffs World:
1 - no dresses, nylons, girdles or anything in the least bit constricting to the body.
2 - no shoes - flip flops only. We do not want to be bothered with bending over. Too tiring.
3 - caloric intake - non existent. All calories consumed will fall of w/out any effort. A size 8 is simply standard, normal, and totally effortless. For all of you that are smaller than a size 8...you are no longer invited to be a part of my world.
4 - hair - effortless. Just specify what you want and it shall be granted. Oh, and it never gets dirty or messed up. Every morning your hair will look just as good as when you went to bed.
5 - makeup - absolutely not needed as our beauty will exceed all others.
6 - no big boobs allowed (this comes from all my years of being flat here on earth) - All boobs will have to be proportionally sized with the rest of the body. No plastic surgeons allowed (too expensive for my overhead).
7 - self cleaning houses - no dust or dirt allowed. In fact, my world will not have dust.
8 - no taxes (that ones for you Kel).
9 - all children will be born from eggs. No need for 9 months of fatness, swollen ankles, etc. I think a small colorful egg should suffice. Sit on it only if you are bored or tired.
10 - cooking - food will just appear as it is needed. Perfectly prepared and very, very tasty.
Tiffs World:
1 - no dresses, nylons, girdles or anything in the least bit constricting to the body.
2 - no shoes - flip flops only. We do not want to be bothered with bending over. Too tiring.
3 - caloric intake - non existent. All calories consumed will fall of w/out any effort. A size 8 is simply standard, normal, and totally effortless. For all of you that are smaller than a size 8...you are no longer invited to be a part of my world.
4 - hair - effortless. Just specify what you want and it shall be granted. Oh, and it never gets dirty or messed up. Every morning your hair will look just as good as when you went to bed.
5 - makeup - absolutely not needed as our beauty will exceed all others.
6 - no big boobs allowed (this comes from all my years of being flat here on earth) - All boobs will have to be proportionally sized with the rest of the body. No plastic surgeons allowed (too expensive for my overhead).
7 - self cleaning houses - no dust or dirt allowed. In fact, my world will not have dust.
8 - no taxes (that ones for you Kel).
9 - all children will be born from eggs. No need for 9 months of fatness, swollen ankles, etc. I think a small colorful egg should suffice. Sit on it only if you are bored or tired.
10 - cooking - food will just appear as it is needed. Perfectly prepared and very, very tasty.
12 comments:
Tiff, I might just kill myself now to get there sooner!
Can I pre-register? I have a feeling your openings will feel up quickly.
Thats a fine looking world you are creating there! Can I be so bold as to add one to the list?
Please make it so that car lots are not able to advertise with large inflatable items. A giant animal, firecracker, santa... or any thing like that is STUPID. It has never and will never prompt me do do business there, PLEASE stop putting them up! Its insulting!!!
(Whew... i feel better!) Now.... lets discuss maybe getting rid of #6... not sure I am ok with that one......
Tiff you are so funny!!!! I'm a little concerned about the boob part....I'm not sure I can give them up!! If I'm wearing sweats all the time, you'll never know, right? :)
It looks like Ross and I have the same concerns....thats pretty funny. (His message didn't show up when I was posting mine because we were doing it the same time)
Tiff, you might want to rethink number 6 as I'm with Kara and Ross on that one as well. Maybe something like "inflatables." When you want to get someone's attention or just "fill out" some clothes. You just open a valve and "wah lah"=there you go. What's wrong with that idea? It could be something like a billboard or electronic sign. In any case can I send you some money for my registration? Also, can I add diet coke dispensers in every kitchen and patio and garage and yard and......
I WANT IN! Please add that kids sleep in until 9:30 every morning and go to bed without a fight at 7:30 every night. :)
All mighty all powerful one.....I hope this doesn't sound to greedy, but could possibly get to be a mayor or president in your world? I am a natural leader. I have lots of qualifications in many of these areas especially the one about wearing thongs, I love those things!! And I will bring to the table a lot of tax expertise on why there should not be taxes. I also think that there should be no swearing. I can't stand when someone is looking at you and you know they are swearing in their head at you. I would make sure no body did that in your world. It would be nice if you could pick what type of weather you wanted for that day. Like say it was spring and you wanted spring weather.....then you could pick a day of sun, birds, blossoms, temp above freezing etc. So basically my qualifications are thongs and taxes, swearing and spring.
All right everyone. I have seen some wonderful comments/suggestions. Nevertheless, I do hope you can see there are some contradictions. Dave wants inflatable boobs but Ross is very against inflatable items. No husband should spoiled with an overabundance of boobs while another husband suffers with an injust amount (sorry, Troy). Maybe in my world we will have to consider some sort of "swap." If you are overly endowed in this life...watch out, Karma will meet you in the next. And all who have had to suffer with flatness, "ant hills", "bee stings" etc...may God bless. Oh wait, I am in charge of the planning. At least I will make sure that I am not skipped over a second time! By the way, Kelli will be running for president/mayor. Elections will be held on the optimal spring day that we make up. Let the swearing begin, or I mean, stop.
Tiff-your greatness, one last wish to be included in Tiff World. Any chance on having people wear Fake Eye-Patches and Raccon tails? It would really help my Fake Eye-Patch gang get off the ground.
Great comments everyone....Tiff I think you may want to consider a small fee to join this great group. With a discount for mothers and mother-in-laws, of course. One more item to add..comfortable retirement at the age of 60 regardless of the state of the economy or how far the stock market has declined....
I love this!! I guess I'll have to wait until I'm done nursing to show off my inflatables so as to avoid injuring anyone's pride... they inflate at unpredictable times so I'm still hiding.
Love the egg thing.
Planet Tiff here we come!
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